A lot of I

When I'm feeling low I immediately shut down and crawl inside myself to examine everything that happened in the past; to tear it apart, analyze it, find every possible detail that I can use to blame myself for whatever it is that makes me want to punch a wall, cry hysterically, and crawl into bed forever simultaneously.  No matter what the situation is, even if I blame others on the outside, inside I am tearing myself apart, breaking apart all of my self-esteem in order to give myself 'what I really deserve'.  In this way I punish myself.  Even as I write this all I can think about are the times I could have done something, but didn't.

There are at least two things wrong with this mind frame.

1. I have not yet prayed - not once
2. I am not the judge

Yes, I messed up, no doubt about it.  Is it entirely my fault - no.  Is some of it my fault - of course.  Does this change the way God sees me - no.  This is the point where I need to remember my priorities.  I am a child of God, created by Him and placed her on this earth to worship Him - "but for this purpose I have raised you up, to show you my power, so that my name may be proclaimed in all the earth" -Exodus 9:16.  So now I must pray, I must cast my worries and cares on Him because He cares for me.

What I have done is in the past.  It is over.  It cannot be changed.  What I do going forward however is a different story.  Instead of stewing over what has happened in the past and judging myself severely because of it, all I am doing is wasting time.  What I am beating myself up over is nothing serious in the grand scheme of things - it could have happened to anyone - it has!  It has happened to friends and neighbors and family and I thought nothing of it because it made no difference to me - I loved them the same, I cherished them the same, I did not think any less of them, I did not judge them, I did not get angry or sad or happy or anything because it was adiaphora.  I was empathetic because I saw it affected them, but it in no way deserved punishment or judgement.  So why do I find the need to punish myself?  Am I supposed to be held to a higher standard than everyone else, am I better in some way?  Certainly not.  I find the need to punish myself because I think the situation was entirely dependent on me, my actions, my effort, my attitude (and this idea is not true in the slightest - many more people than just me were integral in the outcome).  I think I know everything, but I don't.  God does know all though.  God is the judge, God has the knowledge, the right, and the authority to make that call - I do not.

I thank God for the people in my life who love me, who fight for me, who care about me.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" -Jeremiah 29:11

I guess that was a little bit of my prayer,

Felicity

My life

I have strep for the third time in the past month.  I google image searched strep throat to see if there were any pictures to share my misery.  They were all really disgusting.  Please don't google strep throat.

Christmas is one week away.  I have so many Christmas pictures I cannot wait to share with you but I just don't feel good enough to go get my camera and download them.

May God bless your week as Christmas draws near,

Felicity

Soundtrack of my Life

This is me.

Living in the laundry basket bubble, enjoying the warmth of my jammies and the joy of one on one time with my best buddy.  As we talked and laughed and teased the topic of my heart was mention.  My heart is my life, as it is for all human beings but I seem to kid about my heart more than the usual man on the street.

So I have a common excuse I give to anyone and everyone when I want to spend the day in my pajamas in a laundry basket, or when I mess up, or don't want to do something, or want to whine, or just want to be silly.  That excuse is "It's my heart" said in the most whiny nasal voice you could possibly imagine.  Everyone laughs, including me!  Crazy how my complaining cheers me up and makes me laugh but hey, I'll take what I can get, so here is the soundtrack of my life (meant to be funny).

  

Pitter-patter,

Felicity

I'm Back!

I just finished my very last final: Real Analysis of a Single Variable!  With finals out of the way I should be back to crafting, posting, sewing, knitting, baking and everything fun and exciting!

In order to celebrate my completion of the semester I went to

and ordered my absolute favorite

99 cent tacos!  They are delicious greasy perfection!

With the excitement of crafts to come,

Felicity

C is for Cookie

In the spirit of Christmas I want cookies. All the time. So I made some.

While listening to the 'Footloose' station on Pandora, I got creative with some Hershey's Kisses.

Then, I had cookies for dinner!

Eat up - it's Christmas,

Felicity

Dear Bloggers

I love all of my fellow bloggers!  They are so talented and inspiring!  Thank you for sharing your story!

Felicity

This is it

Hello blogging community.  Classes are over for me, but I have four finals coming up.  This means, in short:

1. Crafting is on hold (sewing, knitting, painting . . . you name it)
2. Interesting posts are on hold (unless you are fascinated my real analysis or Matlab)
3. Picture will only consist of textbooks and notes if they even get posted at all
4. I apologize in advanced for this sad state of affairs

In my focus on education I have found something that I would like to share with y'all.  I discovered this at http://tlc.howstuffworks.com/family/christmas-trivia2.htm and thought it was absolutely fascinating, so here it is.


"One of the holiday's best-loved songs, "The Twelve Days of Christmas," marks the longest holiday in the Christian calendar -- the time between Christmas Day and Epiphany, celebrated on January 6.

The song's origin is unknown, but some believe the song was written to help Catholic children remember various articles of faith. These are:

True love
God

A partridge in a pear tree
Jesus

Two turtle doves
Old and New Testaments

Three French hens
Faith, Hope, and Charity

Four calling birds
Four Gospels

Five golden rings
The first five books of the Old Testament, the Pentateuch, which records the history and laws of ancient Israel

Six geese a-laying
Six days of Creation

Seven swans a-swimming
Seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, or the Seven Sacraments

Eight maids a-milking
Eight beatitudes

Nine ladies dancing
Nine fruits of the Holy Spirit

Ten lords a-leaping
Ten Commandments

Eleven pipers piping
Eleven faithful disciples

Twelve drummers drumming
Twelve points of doctrine in the Apostles' Creed"

Isn't that neat?!

Merry Christmas,

Felicity