Me in Love

I received this gift for Christmas and now I am in love with it.  True love.

It's Lutheran.  It's cowgirl.   It's beautiful.  It's ador(able).  It's me.

A gorgeous embroidered Luther rose.

Durable jean fabric outside (perfect for me, who uses purses to death).

American flag and cowboy boot purse lining!  It's a light color so you can find stuff and it's AMERICAN!

Oh!  Did I mention it was AMERICAN?!  LUTHERAN?!  BOOTS?!  Oh yeah.

God bless America,

Felicity

A Love Like No Other

As Christmas draws near Kirsten and I had some friends over for a festive celebration.

The table was set in true Christmas spirit.

The snowball candle was surrounded by fresh cranberries and ready to glow.

The silverware was polished to perfection.

My precious moments nativity was displayed in all of its glory.

Baby Jesus was sleeping peacefully.

The animals observed their Maker.

The sun rained down onto the scene.  Lighting up the faces of the wisemen and the shepherds.

The star shone brightly as the angels declared His majesty.

The dog sniffed it all in great excitement (silly Belly)!

The tree was aglow with Christmas lights and an angel on top.
The food was good, the friends were fabulous, and the festivities have begun!

Felicity

A lot of I

When I'm feeling low I immediately shut down and crawl inside myself to examine everything that happened in the past; to tear it apart, analyze it, find every possible detail that I can use to blame myself for whatever it is that makes me want to punch a wall, cry hysterically, and crawl into bed forever simultaneously.  No matter what the situation is, even if I blame others on the outside, inside I am tearing myself apart, breaking apart all of my self-esteem in order to give myself 'what I really deserve'.  In this way I punish myself.  Even as I write this all I can think about are the times I could have done something, but didn't.

There are at least two things wrong with this mind frame.

1. I have not yet prayed - not once
2. I am not the judge

Yes, I messed up, no doubt about it.  Is it entirely my fault - no.  Is some of it my fault - of course.  Does this change the way God sees me - no.  This is the point where I need to remember my priorities.  I am a child of God, created by Him and placed her on this earth to worship Him - "but for this purpose I have raised you up, to show you my power, so that my name may be proclaimed in all the earth" -Exodus 9:16.  So now I must pray, I must cast my worries and cares on Him because He cares for me.

What I have done is in the past.  It is over.  It cannot be changed.  What I do going forward however is a different story.  Instead of stewing over what has happened in the past and judging myself severely because of it, all I am doing is wasting time.  What I am beating myself up over is nothing serious in the grand scheme of things - it could have happened to anyone - it has!  It has happened to friends and neighbors and family and I thought nothing of it because it made no difference to me - I loved them the same, I cherished them the same, I did not think any less of them, I did not judge them, I did not get angry or sad or happy or anything because it was adiaphora.  I was empathetic because I saw it affected them, but it in no way deserved punishment or judgement.  So why do I find the need to punish myself?  Am I supposed to be held to a higher standard than everyone else, am I better in some way?  Certainly not.  I find the need to punish myself because I think the situation was entirely dependent on me, my actions, my effort, my attitude (and this idea is not true in the slightest - many more people than just me were integral in the outcome).  I think I know everything, but I don't.  God does know all though.  God is the judge, God has the knowledge, the right, and the authority to make that call - I do not.

I thank God for the people in my life who love me, who fight for me, who care about me.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" -Jeremiah 29:11

I guess that was a little bit of my prayer,

Felicity

Tears

Yesterday I was down in the dumps.  I was sick, I was disappointed in myself, I thought I was a failure, and I cried.  I was hoping that after crying it out, talking to my momma, talking to my roommate, blowing my nose and eating some pumpkin bread I would get this negativity out of my system but I didn't.  It just didn't go away.  This morning I woke up, sore throat and all, and the first thing I thought of was the reasons I thought myself a failure.

My loving friends and family assure me that I am not a failure.  They ask me 'Do you know you are not a failure' and I always sniffle 'Yes' but I just can't seem to shake the feeling.  What I am beating myself up over is adiaphora, but I seem to take it as a personal attack against me.  I took this event personally when I don't think it was meant as a personal insult at all.  Even with me being aware of all of this my feelings of self worth have not changed.  I am still thinking the same thoughts, beating myself up about all the things I do wrong, even blaming myself for my sore throat and stuffy nose!

I know this is not going to help my Thursday but I was stuck.  I read the verse of the day and the devotion of the day from the links on my blog in hope of some words of wisdom; a devotion catered to my needs at the present time, my way of viewing God speaking directly to me, telling me to get my act together, stop moping and start praising him; but no such luck this time.  The devotion was good, no doubt about it, but it did not speak to me like I wanted it to.  Once again, in my self inflicted misery I took this as a personal attack from God, saying to myself 'self, even God doesn't think your worth helping'.

With this awful mindset I made the rounds of the blogs I look at everyday; TheWiegands, The AZ Russums, I Am Along for the Ride, when I came across a link to this post: http://www.holleygerth.com/heart-to-heart-with-holley/2011/11/4/a-little-way-to-have-a-better-day.html


Please read it, it made me realize that it was not God who wasn't helping me, it was me refusing God's help.  So, with this new mindset in place I am going to strive to have a wonderful day.  Am I now happy and filled with joy?  No, I feel about the same as I did when I started writing this post, but I now know that the only way for me to stop thinking I am a failure is for me to prove to myself I am not, and sitting around moping about the past is not helping me convince myself.  I also know that "I can do all things through him who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.

To begin to change my mind frame I will make a list of what I am thankful for while blasting good ole German hymns.

I am thankful for . . .

1. The Bible, because without it I would not have a chance of getting out of this slump - along with the law, the gospel, Jesus, his death and Resurrection, salvation; you know, all the other good stuff that comes with the Bible!
2. My momma
3. My supportive, caring, incredibly smart roommate - who listens to me even when I am quite boring, or whiny, or repetitive, or silly
4. The many warm blankets I have piled up on my bed
5. Antibiotics
6. Cowboy boots
7. Bible study and the pastor that leads it
8. Hot Tea
9. Soup
10. Devotionals
11. My brothers and sisters in Christ
12. Socks
13.  . . . and the list goes on and on

Have a sparkling day,

Felicity

My Studio

This is it.

My studio, a.k.a. my bed.

In an attempt to teach myself how to play piano for  church services on campus I have begun to practice.

The C's are marked with stars so I don't forget!

It feels wonderful to be playing music; I can't help but sing when I finally master a melody, which then ruins all of my concentration and my playing goes out the window."Come though almighty King, help us They name to sing; help us to praise" -Come, Thou Almighty King LSB 905

I am playing mostly hymns and Divine Service III out of the Lutheran Service Book.  Samantha joined me for some beautiful duets, combined with lots of giggles and an infinite amount of requests to begin 'from the top' from both of us!

It is inspiring to hear the beautiful chords and read the words which glorify the Lord. "How firm a foundation O saints of the Lord is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!" -How Firm a Foundation LSB 728

Practice makes Permanent (and sore fingers),

Felicity

In Preperation

It's almost here; Reformation Day.  Oh yes, the 95 Theses, Martin Luther, Wittenburg, everything good right and proper as we know it.

In honor of this reverent day it seemed appropriate to make a trip to the pumpkin patch, and then to the grocery store where the pumpkins were cheaper, and begin some celebratory carving by the glow of old Christmas lights, left hanging by those that came before us.

 Lady Liberty Showed Up! 

Waste not, the pumpkin seeds were baked and consumed!

Cinnamon-Sugar Pumpkin Seeds

Garlic and Salt Pumpkin Seeds

Exsurge Domine,

Felicity